I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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