Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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