Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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