I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
