I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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