worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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