They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
