Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
