Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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