Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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