Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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