Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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