you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
