I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
