Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
