making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
