This is not my ceiling
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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