i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
