Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
