Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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