I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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