maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
