He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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