just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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