I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
