surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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