Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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