im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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