her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
