Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
