umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
