i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
