Just mADE A PArabola og urine
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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