Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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