i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
