Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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