saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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