I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
