love makes seman taste better
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
