i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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