You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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