When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize