HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
