I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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