Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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