wrigley field is MILF paradise
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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