its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
