i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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