Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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