She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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