Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
