Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
