Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
