there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
