It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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