This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
