What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
...so i touched it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
