i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
