yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
