when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
