I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
