I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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