No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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